Well, there is lots to update about now! I have been neglecting this blog for a while. I think part of it is just because I’m a busy working momma and I haven’t been feeling the best so I just don’t sit down to do it. I think another big part of it is because I’ve almost been holding my breath this whole time – sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop if you know what I mean. I don’t know if it was just me trying to prepare myself for the worst-case scenario of another loss if I was just having trouble bonding this time around. My guess is the former. In any event, I am feeling much happier about this pregnancy and I am no longer feeling like I’m in a wait-and-see mode.
Let’s start from the last post and work chronologically. I had my first visit with the OB on June 19th. I was planning to wait until after this appointment to tell my family, but my tummy had something different to say about that – it was popping out big time! I had plans to BBQ at my parent’s house for Father’s Day and knew that there was no way that they wouldn’t notice 1-the big bump protruding from my belly (no sweaters in the middle of June!) 2-the increasing size of my boobs! Holy DD’s again and 3-the fact that I was massively nauseous all the time and fell asleep anywhere I sat for a few minutes. So I decided to give my dad a nice Father’s Day card and sign it from “Katie, Jon, Zoey and Baby S (due in Jan!).” He of course loved it and my parents were super excited. My sister said that she knew it all along and wanted to ask me a few times but didn’t want to be rude or insensitive. She said my boobs were what clued her in mostly! Haha!
So then I went to my first OB appointment a few days later. My regular OB was out on vacation for the week but I saw her deputy who is a really nice older doctor who I’ve seen before. I knew at the time I booked the appointment that I would be seeing him so I was cool with the change. I was pretty much a nervous wreck before this appointment. I was so so scared of seeing the same thing we saw the last time – nothing. I thought my blood pressure was going to be through the roof but my calming techniques still work and it was in the normal range.
When the doctor came into the room, after the normal exchange of pleasantries, he placed the Doppler on my abdomen to listen for the heartbeat. He started talking about how I was only 10 weeks and how it’s the earliest that they start hearing the heartbeat on the Doppler so I shouldn’t be worried if he can’t find it etc. etc. After several minutes of moving the wand all around he still couldn’t find the heartbeat so he decided to just switch to the ultrasound. I was of course increasing in anxiety, fearing the worst had come to pass. He put the ultrasound wand on and started looking around with it. After a minute, he located the baby and was trying to get an image of the heart beating. For a very tense probably two minutes he moved the wand around without seeing that little flicker. That was it for me, I was sure that we were through. I held Jon’s hand a little tighter and the doctor suddenly flipped off the lights in the room saying that he couldn’t see the screen well enough. Well, as soon as he did that, he held the wand still on my abdomen and a few seconds later, there was the little flicker! I let out an audible sigh of relief and there were big grins all around. We even saw a little bit of a jump before he finished the scan. I got a couple of cute pictures and was headed out the door, much less anxiety-ridden than when I went in.
We decided the next day to go ahead and tell people at work and friends that we saw. We weren’t out of the woods so-to-speak, but we were in a much better position than we had been with the last pregnancy and people were definitely starting to look at me funny even if they weren’t asking (some were! People are bold!). I was also obviously having a hell of a time with all the pregnancy symptoms and it was nice for people to know so I didn’t feel like I had to be perky and happy when I felt like crap. It was pretty liberating.
There has been even more fun, but this post is already a novel so the rest is to be continued! In the next installment – the NT scan, finding out the gender and Zoey’s reaction to the idea of being a big sister.
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