Can't Turn Off My Brain

So I have come to realize that I cannot turn off my brain. I can't just stop thinking about babies or my cycle or the fact that I would have been starting my third trimester today had I not lost the baby or the fact that there is no way possible for me to have a baby this year. I am having a hard time thinking that there is a possibility that I still won't be pregnant by the time my due date rolls around and boy can I tell you know that that is an emptional breakdown waiting to happen... especially since my cycle should be coming to an end just days before the EDD.

I've been doing everything that I can to keep myself distracted. I've been spending a lot of time gardening and working outside and when i'm not doing that, I've been doing a lot of couponing. I've also taken a break from the charting and will only occasionally enter something in my chart online. I haven't even been on the What to Expect boards at all this week.

The problem is that when I exercise or am lying in bed trying to fall asleep, my brain just goes straight to babies. I can't help it. It's like my biological clock has alarmed and no matter what I do I can't hit the snooze button now. I was thinking that maybe if I just ignore it all then it will happen on its own, but then I remember that I've had so many health issues in the past that it probably would just delay further if I did that. I guess I have 4 more cycles until I can say that there is a real medical issue going on but I swear if I'm not pregnant by August I may just go crazy. Not to mention the fact that Jon told me that he's feeling the pressure. He's better now that we talked and he's realized that it's not his fault if we don't succeed but I'm sure that he's anxious for this conception stuff to end too.

I dunno... like I said, I'm thinking too much and I just don't know how to turn it off. There's only so much I can do to distract myself. Here's hoping that I get a little Mother's Day miracle (I should ovulate on or around that day!) and I can stop thinking about all this conception stuff and start thinking about all the other fun stuff that comes with having a baby!